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Lord of the Flies

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Lord of the Flies last won the day on September 13

Lord of the Flies had the most liked content!

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  1. I don't feel well today. Big surprise, I've been under 500 all week. But I did sleep, at least. I made to take a nap last night, but slept nearly six hours, right through two alarms. Then I was awake for about nine hours before sleeping another six. I feel like I could sleep again, and I'd be lying if i said I'm not tempted. But insomnia has been my bugbear for so long that I'm afraid to jeopardize my sleep routine. I don't trust that I'll be okay if I sleep again. I never know what to do about sleep, really. I don't feel bad, I just don't have a lot of energy or much investment ability right now.
  2. Life is worthwhile. It's been good, even though it really hasn't been, if you take my meaning. But life is not sacred. At least, not in the sense that I'm going to worship at the holy altar of quinoa and HIIT at the expense of the years of frustrated rage and pain and shit it's taken for me to arrive at my personal truths.
  3. I'm back to this idea of eating very little until my weight is about 100 lb, and then creeping very slowly up to about 1,500 calories a day, there to remain indefinitely. Clearly, starting this close to the holidays is cutting it pretty fine, with a necessarily slow refeeding process taken into account. But if I can sprint through heavy restriction, I could feasibly be inching my calories back upward by November, or even earlier. I'm that close to double digits. Maintenance at 100-105 is dangerous, I know. That's a BMI range of 15.6-16.4, at my height. But...okay, I'm going to get all emo for a minute. One of my parents died of cancer. The other died of lung disease complicated by poorly controlled diabetes. Kidney and heart disease both run in my genes, also. Of my father's family, only one still lives: an aunt whose health has steadily been failing. All his siblings died in or before their 60s. My mom didn't even make 50. I'm not an idiot. Heart disease or cancer is going to take me, conceivably within the next ten or fifteen years. The way I've treated my body, my money's on heart failure. I'm going to eat nutritious foods that I like. I'm going to take walks and hold cats. But I'm going to do my shit my way. Good or ill, wrong or right, are bullshit concepts as far as this is concerned. I don't owe and I'm not owed. I'll take what I want and pay for it.
  4. Holding out. It occurs to me that coming back here for socializing purposes is kind of stupid if I'm going to be restricting heavy, which makes me asocial. Anyway, here's Melora Creager.
  5. I'm feeling the restriction today. Mood is okay, but I feel weak and a little loose in body. This dry mouth thing is driving me nuts. I wish I understood it better. Too much water gives me a similar thirst, but increasing salt intake usually does the trick. This past couple of days, it doesn't seem to go away at all unless I eat something.
  6. Good luck with your plans. OMAD is a great strategy, imo. What do you think of the slimfast keto line? Is it decent, flavor wise? I've looked at a few things, but am yet to buy any.
  7. If you're feeling down in the dumps like I am today, perhaps this will help: Unknown Hinson
  8. I'm low on energy and temper tonight. I'm not sure I'll be around later. Food has been good, no expectation of difficulty.
  9. I've been slacking. Okay, so. Food the last few days has been good. Thursday/Friday (I have dspd and am nocturnal) I ate quite a bit, close to maintenance; but I turned that into productivity that lasted all day. I had planned a fast for today, to be broken when I got up Monday evening. I chose to break it at 21 hours, family related. But 21 hours is 21 hours, and I broke the fast with high protein food in a reasonable quantity, and I feel no binge urges. In other words, I ain't mad. Tonight's plan is just to carry on. I could stand some salt in my system (hello, headache, you old cuss you), and before bed today I had that peculiar dry mouth thing that neither water nor salt solves—only food. So probably fasting through would be a bad plan. But we'll see how I feel. Restriction is a bad plan, friends. Let's be real. Why halfass it.
  10. This jam contains all the things that make GWAR so good. Even if you hate the lyrics, give these tasty guitar riffs a chance. Good night friends
  11. Right now, I'm going to bed. It's been a long day and I'm tired. This is just to get my foot in the door so the rest of you don't think I'm lurking or something.
  12. Yesterday I was busy elsewhere on the forums. Today I've been too tired (slept badly and then stayed busy offline). But I think I want to start a thread for my nonsense (title is the same as the song from Buckethead's Kaleidoscalp album). Stats: 5'7" (a little over, but I'm pedantic) Approximately 118 lb at a guess (having bounced in the 117-123 range for a couple of years now, I'm not as dumb as I sound, haha) 34 years old Average tdee 2,100 No plans for this thread; no theme. I do best if I don't try to stick to calorie limits or make long term goals. I talk a lot about stupid shit; be glad I quit drinking, it used to be even worse. I have a distinct but difficult to quantify taste in music; I'll post videos, probably. I'll still like you if you don't watch them, but you're missing out on the fun. I use music to say the things I can't articulate thanks to shitty emotional understanding and whatnot, but I also share my treasures when I find them. I go from wanting to maintain, to wanting to finish destroying my already dubious prospects for longevity with restriction. Also chronically depressed, with anxiety and other things. Expect irritable rants and some degree of outright existential rage. I'm 34 and sober, but my avatar is Kefka for a reason. Part of that reason is also self-deprecating humor. Nearly everything I say is at least a little bit joking. The angrier it sounds, the likelier it is that I'm laughing on the other end. Everything is more or less bullshit, and the more bullshit it is, the funnier it is. Feel welcome to hang if you want. I've been told I'm intimidating and hard to like, but I don't mean any harm.
  13. I was a member here sometime back: I think I left earlier this year, or late last year. Briefly: 34, male, from the US. Unemployed, on disability (mood and personality disorders). I'm not sure I even have a fully fledged ED, but that doesn't matter. My eating is disordered: binge tendencies early on, transforming slowly over my twenties into restriction. I went most of this year thinking I had the tools I needed to get past this. I made some progress with my strategies (and I'll share those adventures, if there's interest), but I still seem to have that doggone death wish or something. I'm a shut-in. I read a lot. I like to make and repair beaded and wire jewelry. I'm a downer, admittedly, but most of what I say has at least some humor in it, however grim. I'm always open to sharing information, though support (giving and receiving) is an area of weakness for me. I have quite bad social problems.
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