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PooreClare

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PooreClare last won the day on August 21

PooreClare had the most liked content!

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  1. I find being single is far more triggering to me than being in a relationship. I find that I get super focused on my ED, partially because being single brings the freedom to perform all my perverse habits without guilt or explanation. That being said, I do get triggered in relationships, especially new ones. Getting used to someone else's eating patterns, the kind of foods they keep in the house, and having to have regular meals with them is stressful. I always hide my ED at first, which makes me feel dishonest and overall shitty. When I confessed to my first husband that I sometimes purged, he said, and I quote, "I never thought anyone could be that fucked up." Yeah. It really hurt me, made me hate myself, always desperate to seek his approval, etc. Now in my second marriage, idgaf. I do me. I think part of it is being older, recognizing that this is just a part of myself, and no longer feeling shame that I'm doing something "wrong." Current hubby can trigger me, too. He loses weight so easily. He'll lay off the ice cream for a week and lose five pounds. It's mostly exasperating, but mildly triggering as well. And just because it seems like everyone else is doing something, it doesn't mean it's right for you. All my peers are having kids. Fuck that. I don't want them, never have. Also, I got married for the first time because everyone else was doing it, it was a miserable fucking marriage, and it sort of taught me a lesson about following the crowd.
  2. I had late onset. I've always had disordered eating habits, but the bulk my ED didn't really hit me until I was 22.
  3. You are most welcome, my friend. Sorry that purging has popped back into your life. It's tricky like that, at least in my experience. My cat is super extra, too, and way more attached to my husband than to me.
  4. I had an episode of alcohol induced psychosis yesterday and narrowly avoided being hospitalized. I feel slightly more stable but mentally horrible today. I hate myself.

    1. seair

      seair

      That must have been awful. I am glad you are feeling better today and there is no reason to hate yourself x

    2. PooreClare

      PooreClare

      Thank you so much. I really appreciate your support. It was terrible, and yesterday was hard as well. I'm still a little out of it today, but more or less stable. 

  5. I forgot to get a cold diet drink at the grocery store (I bought a two liter but it's not chilled). Grocery store was really crowded and I couldn't face going back in, so what does my fat ass do? Go to Sonic for a sweet tea. It's delicious and frosty and lemony, and I almost regret nothing. Happy Sunday! Here's to all of us finding a little joy today.

  6. My father-in-law sent a really nasty text to Carlos this morning about me. I don't know why all of the sudden I'm him whipping girl, but it just makes me want to starve until I'm gorgeous and have the best life to spite him. 

  7. I hate "feeding disorder." It just makes me think of livestock. Welcome.
  8. I got a shipment of free Lenny and Larry's Complete Cookies (class action lawsuit). They're yummy, vegan, and have tons of protein, but they're 400 calories a damn cookie! Given, they're huge. I could never eat a whole one in one sitting, but still. Yikes.

  9. I have an appointment with my med provider today. I didn't get the blood work done she asked me for last time, and I skipped our last appointment because I was too tired to go. I also ran out of meds a while ago. I have a feeling this will not be a pleasant visit.

  10. Fun, new challenge is up in the Competitions, Challenges, and Diets forum! It starts next Monday and runs for two weeks. Hope you'll join me!

    1. Saoirse

      Saoirse

      Forum=Community? I just sent a request to join the community because that's all I found when I searched "competition". I want to join your comp...please. 

    2. PooreClare

      PooreClare

      I confirmed your request to join the community! You're good to go.

  11. I have been sick for a solid fucking week now, and not sleeping at night because I can't stop coughing. Fuck this summer. It's been horrible.

    1. porcelain light

      porcelain light

      this sounds awful hun😞 i’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and i wish you a speedy, but thorough recovery!!💞💕☀️🌸

    2. PooreClare

      PooreClare

      @porcelain light thank you! Much love.

  12. July was a bunch of fucking bullshit for me. I'm going to make an August challenge. I'll follow it even if it's just me, but you're all invited to join. It should be up maybe tomorrow.

    1. Elissabeth

      Elissabeth

      Oh!! Challenges are lovely! I'll look forward to it!

  13. Having pizza for dinner. Pray for me.

    1. PooreClare

      PooreClare

      So, I had pizza. A lot of it. Then a cookie. I weighed this morning and I'm at the exact same weight I was on Monday, so no harm done. I'm going to the gym today and drinking a big ol' glass of Metamucil.

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