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  3. psilydeadshroom


  4. I don't know how many other people are like this but I can fast for days no problem, but if I eat just ONE tiny thing, that's it... ive eaten the whole blummin` kitchen 🤢

  5. I don't really know what to say.. im 5`7 23 yrold female im currently at 146lbs was in and out of trying recovery for 4 years.. until a month ago, and now im not. ive had an ed for 14years umm HW: 224lbs and LW: 98lbs my goals this time round is 85 im here looking to talk to other people, don't have anyone really outside of my SO.. would be nice to change that and make some friends. I love art, anime, most music, movies, tv shows.. and I love learning or listening to things I don't know about or understand so whatever your into outside of ed I wanna chat about it with you 🙂 I have a longish history of hospital inpatient and other mental health stuffs outside of ed too so if you wanna chat about that stuff that's cool too. also if u wanna just have a chat about mundane day to day stuff, im really easy to talk to lol. and I wont judge on anything. (well I mean umm, I might if u like physically hurting non consenting things or people, but that's pretty much the only thing ill judge people for -_- ) also down if you just want to chat ed with me. I don't mind what you SW or CW or GW are just wanna chat with other likeminded people so yes, hi.
  6. I really relate to what you say about seeking a partners approval. I often start relationships thinking I have some kind of ‘handicap’ with my MH/ED issues and it makes me way way to willing to put up with poor treatment, and bend over backwards to ‘compensate’ for my evident shortcomings. I really admire that you have managed to own your issues in your second marriage. Would you say that’s because of your husband, or because of changes you’ve made yourself? Also - yeah ditto on the kids things. I really have no idea if I want them or not but you hit thirty and it’s like you find yourself in a race to marriage/mortgage/children and it’s like...I didn’t even know I had entered this race. But soon enough people/relatives start with the comments of ‘so...are you seeing anyone/thinking about kids etc etc’ I never anticipated the drastic switch.
  7. Yesterday
  8. Like a healthy human I am going to use the anxiety from my brother and the stress of possibly being offered/forced into a promotion I don't want to lose 14lbs in a month. See you then

    1. PooreClare


      Hey, I'm also taking the raw emotions of familial stress to restrict my ass off. Twinsies.

  9. Last week
  10. I find being single is far more triggering to me than being in a relationship. I find that I get super focused on my ED, partially because being single brings the freedom to perform all my perverse habits without guilt or explanation. That being said, I do get triggered in relationships, especially new ones. Getting used to someone else's eating patterns, the kind of foods they keep in the house, and having to have regular meals with them is stressful. I always hide my ED at first, which makes me feel dishonest and overall shitty. When I confessed to my first husband that I sometimes purged, he said, and I quote, "I never thought anyone could be that fucked up." Yeah. It really hurt me, made me hate myself, always desperate to seek his approval, etc. Now in my second marriage, idgaf. I do me. I think part of it is being older, recognizing that this is just a part of myself, and no longer feeling shame that I'm doing something "wrong." Current hubby can trigger me, too. He loses weight so easily. He'll lay off the ice cream for a week and lose five pounds. It's mostly exasperating, but mildly triggering as well. And just because it seems like everyone else is doing something, it doesn't mean it's right for you. All my peers are having kids. Fuck that. I don't want them, never have. Also, I got married for the first time because everyone else was doing it, it was a miserable fucking marriage, and it sort of taught me a lesson about following the crowd.
  11. Hi all, I’m new to this forum and an wondering about triggers. What triggers your MH/EDs, either into getting worse than it usually is, or relapsing where you may have been recovering? I am 34 and currently at an age where I thought my struggles with weight would have come to an end. I’ve always had this problematic relationship to food and my body, and these things always seem to corroborate with my the state of my life. And I’ve reached an impasse - where I’ve noticed what the worst stressor for me is, but I don’t know how on Earth i might resolve it. And that is stressor is in the realm of romantic relationships. As long as I can remember, I have struggled with maintaining a relationship. Mine are volatile, with the wrong person, and filled with drama. They are unhealthy and unfortunately it’s often taken me a few goes to even leave them, although I could see how utterly miserable and harmful it was for me. But here is the rub - after recently exiting yet another unstable relationship I’ve come to notice a catch-22 in all of these dynamics. That is: being in a relationship makes me anxious, and not being in one makes me anxious too. Consequently I find myself trapped in an endless cycle of relationships that don’t really resolve depending on where I’m at: if I’m in a relationship, or not. I start these relationships off well. I take all the work I’ve done on myself in therapy and try and apply it, I try and not be too dependent but also be comfortable with intimacy. I am open about myself and my vulnerabilities. The other person accepts me and seems safe, and everything seems to go really well. I think I’ve finally found a healthy partner. But inevitably, something about being IN a relationship makes me anxious. It’s not really specific, just a general feeling of unease creeps in and then I find myself taking this out on first myself and my body, and then my partner. The relationship starts to unravel and the enduring panic makes my MH worse - and the snowball affect of all this causes me to either a) realise these people I’ve picked haven’t been the safe haven I initially thought or b) it all gets too much for them, they are good ppl but they can’t take on all this stuff, and it ends. The clincher is: being solo makes me myopically focus on my ED and exacerbates it. I often fall prey to narratives such as ‘if I was just thinner and prettier, x would not have left. We would still be together. If I try and get to that point of perfection, maybe they will come back.’ Sometimes they even do, but it never lasts. The cycle is triggered again. I feel quite unable to emerge from this cycle and I think at 34 I am feeling quite helpless to stop it. Most of my peers are married/have children and although I am not sure I want those things, I beat myself up for not being able to attain these things that apparently everyone so ‘naturally’ manages to achieve. Not to mention in your mid-thirties if you don’t have these things, it can be terribly isolating. The party is generally over, and you’re the last single standing. I wondered if anyone else finds this connection between their relationships history and their MH/ED. If not, what are your triggers now that you are older? I find being an adult altogether more stressful than being a student and I find many things can set me off that weren’t factors a few years ago (ie - job pressures, working on my house etc, worrying about biological clocks etc.) and it feels like the older I get, the harder things are getting... Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear from anyone and everyone.
  12. Hi both, thanks very much for the welcome. Hoping to make some connections with people with the same experience as me, other places seem very teenage/young person-centric.
  13. Welcome! I’ve been struggling with urges to purge, which I gave up in my late 20’s. I’m in my 40’s now. I’m resisting for the time being.
  14. I had late onset. I've always had disordered eating habits, but the bulk my ED didn't really hit me until I was 22.
  15. My coffee and energy drink is wearing off and so my pain meds are starting to make me feel high 

  16. Hi, hoping to connect with others who struggle with ED and other mental health ... I work in a professional capacity within the social service sector and have a family
  17. Maybe I'll never get better, maybe things will always be hard and I'll always be sick. I just want to walk and not be in pain. 

  18. Hi everyone, looking to find some likeminded people and support with a late onset ED that has just really shocked me...looking for some adult perspectives. Thanks
  19. Sometimes I want to hurt myself for absolutely no reason 

    1. seair


      So sorry you are feeling this way. Hurting yourself is only a temporary solution though, as I am sure you know. Please take care of yourself.

  20. Thanks for checking out the Kast room! If you can test things out again it should work for you now.

  21. You are most welcome, my friend. Sorry that purging has popped back into your life. It's tricky like that, at least in my experience. My cat is super extra, too, and way more attached to my husband than to me.
  22. Earlier
  23. Hey chicka. Sorry for the delay in responding. You wrote me on my birthday and it feels so long ago. I'm doing okay in myself. Though in my head I'm a bit of a mess. Considering leaving my partner as I just feel like I'm a different person to when we met, and I want more... Sent from my CLT-L09 using Tapatalk
  24. I had an episode of alcohol induced psychosis yesterday and narrowly avoided being hospitalized. I feel slightly more stable but mentally horrible today. I hate myself.

    1. seair


      That must have been awful. I am glad you are feeling better today and there is no reason to hate yourself x

    2. PooreClare


      Thank you so much. I really appreciate your support. It was terrible, and yesterday was hard as well. I'm still a little out of it today, but more or less stable. 

  25. Hi guys, I'm 27f USA. I have never seen diagnosed with ED or mental illness, because I'm scared to get help. I alternate between long phases of restricting and bingeing. I also started purging again last year, which was really weird because I hadn't done it since i was about 16. I like cartoons, doing hair, and my dog (the cat's ok too but hes kind of a drama queen)
  26. Hit my calorie goal today and my step goal. Small wins ❤️

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